It wasn't meant to be like this pt. 6

Daily Physio. It's torture. The first few days are spent just sitting up. Not actually getting myself into a sitting position, or holding myself there. No that's all done for me but its alien to be upright. I feel entirely off balance. My arm stumps flail about as if I can stop myself from falling. Not that I will, I'm held and supported firmly but I do not feel safe.

Eventually I can sit up unaided for a short period. I can't get myself up but I can just sit unaided for up to a minute. Then I fall back onto my pillows with relief. I cannot properly explain how exhausting this all is. I work up a heavy sweat just sitting on my arse.

As we progress Matt, my physiotherapist holds onto my leg stumps as I sit to help balance me whilst he has me extending my arms out in turn. My right arm, ending between my elbow and my shoulder moves easiest. It's healing well and I can lift it up and down with relative ease. My left arm is harder work. It's sore and stiff. Flexing out the stump from the elbow takes serious effort and pain. I'm told it will improve but I just somehow expected that this elbow that everyone was thrilled I managed to keep would be pain free and working well as it is my most whole limb.

Matt is waiting on my leg stump stitches and staples coming out before we begin with my 'core' (seriously you'd think I was a pro athlete they way he talks) and that then leads to the wonders of getting myself from a laying position to sitting.

Tom. Tom is quiet. There have been mentions of rehabilitation soon which will require me to move to a hospital further from home. They said at least 6 months and this has floored him. We will only see each other at weekends realistically. He's trying to be positive, saying it'll give him time for house plans.

Six months didn't feature in our fantasies. Home remodelling didn't feature. Rehab didn't feature. (Seriously I think sitting up unaided will be my final achievement in life and surely it can't take six months?!) it almost feels like a forced separation at time. I wonder when we will get to be alone. I want to curl up in his lap and cry. Tell him my worries and fears. Feel his stubble against my cheek and just enjoy being close. For now I'll have to make do with a hand resting on my arm stump and a brief peck on the lips. I miss my husband.